Na By Force!

"You are very intelligent, I must confess."

 "Thank you sir," I said.

 "By next week, you'd get a call from us. "

 "Let me know my fate right now."

 "What do you do or what were you doing for a living?"

 "I sleep for a living," I answered. Didn't he go through my CV?

 "Do you really want this job?"

 "But sleeping is what I do for a living."

 "We'd call you. You can take your leave."

 "You should have asked what type of sleep. I sleep around for a living."

 "Interesting! We'd call you."

 "See, I have your sex tape," I said.

 He took off his glasses. "What are you talking about?"

 I took off my wig. "Look inside my eye, you no know me?"

 "Would you leave on your own or you'd want me to call the security?"

 "Mister man, this one no be English matter."

 "Are you trying to blackmail me?

 " You wan talk say you no know me, shey?"

 "Are you sure you're not going insane? Where's the sex tape?"

 "I be mumu, shey? I go come show you the tape, ehn? You no recognize me ba? Make I show you the tattoo on my left breast you once sucked like a starved malnourished infant?"

 He put on his glasses and hissed.

 I unbuttoned my suit jacket, pulled down my camisole a bit and dipped my hand into the left cup of my brassiere.

 "No! This is an official setting, woman!"

 "It's either you give me this job or your sex tape gets to your top bosses. I'd accuse you of demanding for sex as a condition for employment."

 "The thing is, I don't even know you!"

 "Oga, see no open eye for me o! I no well at all. If you lose your job, I've got nothing to lose. You get job, na me dey find job."

 He cleared his throat. "I'd call the secretary to type your employment letter."

 "So fast? Naso fear dey catch you?"

 He looked at me and shrugged.

 I was once promiscuous and the truth was that he was my regular customer. We last met about eight years ago but I never had a tape of him. We had lost contact because he moved out of Lagos without informing me his personal person.

 After five attempts to get a job that year, I wasn't about to let this chance slip from my hand. Coming all the way to Abuja from Lagos no be beans! I couldn't allow myself drink of their "we'd call you" river again.

 That was how I got half-a-million-per-month job!